Warning. Meg thought this post was too boring for the average reader but I thought it included good information. Read at your own risk:
As Meg and I continue to get plugged into our new community, I thought it might be helpful to share what we are learning about the kids we are trying to impact. International students are often called “third culture kids” or TCKs. Here is the textbook definition given by Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds
“A traditional third culture kid (TCK) is a person who spends a significant part of his or her first eighteen years of life accompanying parent(s) into a country or countries that are different from at least one parent’s passport country due to a parents choice of work or advanced training”
The “traditional third culture” kid consists of: foreign service kids, military brats, missionary kids, and corporate brats. There are a lot of positives of being a TCK like getting to travel, encouraging independence, and learning other languages but there are also some challenge areas that these kids face. Here are two challenging dynamics that are often the reality that our TCK’s face:
Lack of Identity
Unlike teenagers that are rooted in a community (which can have it’s own unique problems but is generally seen as a positive), TCK’s do not have an extended family, coaches, neighbors, and friends that they grow up with. They can struggle to know "who their people are," which can lead to questions of identity and belonging (an amplification of what adolescent kids already struggle with.) As they enter adulthood, it is common for them to find commonality amongst other TCKs. If you follow the Enneagram, this reminds us of the dynamic a Type 4 (the Individualist) could go through.
Unresolved grief
Another result of this lifestyle can manifest itself in unresolved grief. With many people coming in and out of TCK’s lives, there isn’t a lot of space to grieve loss; kids just move on. They might think: “It’s not like anyone died or was seriously injured!” or, “They are only a couple hours away now, it’s for the best. '' Unfortunately, this often leads to unhealth. Without a lot of understanding what is happening to them, many TCK’s do not know how to deal with their feelings and thus grief can come out in wonky ways (e.g. denial, anger, depression, extreme busyness, etc.). "If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it." (Richard Rohr) This unprocessed transmitted grief can come out in ways and can have very painful consequences. If you follow the Enneagram, this reminds us of the dynamic a Type 7 (the Enthusiast) could go through.
It is important to know what challenges our group of kids are going through because it allows us to articulate the Good News of the person and power of Jesus more effectively.
What I find interesting is that since the beginning of TCK research (which started in the late 90’s) many other people groups have really resonated with the same hurts, wants, desires and dynamics (like unresolved grief and/or lack of identity) as that of the traditional TCK. These people are referred to Cross-Cultural Kids (or if you want even more acronyms CCK). I think it's incredible that the more we lean into this population group of TCK’s, the more we know and understand the bigger story that is unfolding in the lives of Cross Cultural Kids in general. As the world becomes more and more globalized, one would expect CCK’s and TCK’s to grow and with it comes the opportunity for us to understand them better in order to share God’s transformative love. Below is a chart that gives you an idea of the different types of population groups that resonate with the TCK research.
Does this resonate with any of your experiences growing up?
Can you think of any other consequences (good or bad) about growing up as a TCK?
Does knowing more about this information help you better understand someone else in your life?